Two boys were playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar & twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was walking by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy!
"Forty Niners' fan saves friend from vicious animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Niners' fan," the boy replied.
"Oakland Raiders' fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the reporter starts again.
"I'm not a Raiders' fan either," the boy said.
"Then what are you?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Cowboys' fan."
The reporter turns to a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Redneck bastard kills family pet."

Dear Son,

I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you first left. Your Dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address as the last family here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen 'em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days this time. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know if you are an Aunt or and Uncle.

Not much more news this time, write soon.

Love, Mom

P.S. Was going to send you money, but the envelope was already sealed.

"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the tip, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swore at Billy Bob and left.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday, Buddy!"

There was a Redneck down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told him "I've kidnapped you."

The Redneck wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground. Signed, A Redneck."

The Redneck then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the Redneck checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath that pecan tree. The Redneck opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note. The note said, "How could one Redneck do this to another Redneck?!"