A guy goes to this doctor and says, “Doc I have a problem.”
“What kind of a problem?” the doctor asked.
“Well says the patient before I go to work my wife jumps me and we have sex three times. When I get to the office, my secretary and I have sex, and then at lunch we have sex and a ‘quickie’ at the end of work. Then when I get home, my wife jumps me again before dinner, after dinner, before we go to bed, and before we go to sleep. “All this happens every day.” “So,” asks the doctor, “what’s your problem? The guy says, “When I jerk off, I get dizzy.”
In a hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the
same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m.,
regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to
do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to
why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on Sunday, so a
Worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of
the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of
the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for
themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were
holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to
ward off the evil spirits.
Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time
Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life
Support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
So this guy walks into a doctor’s office with a terrible speech impediment.
The doctor says “How can I help you?”
The responds “d-d-d-d-d-doctor I have th-th-th-th-this h-h-h-h-h-orrible sp-sp-speech impediment”
The doctor says, “Calm down, calm down. Take off your clothes and lie on that table. I will give you a physical and find the problem”
So the guy says “o-ok-ok-ok-okay doctor” and does so
The doctor gets done with the physical and says “Well I have found your problem. Your dick is too large, and it is weighing down your vocal cords causing you to have a speech impediment. I am going to have to cut your penis off and replace it with a smaller penis”
The guy says “w-w-w-w-ell doctor, d-d-d-d-d-do-do whatever you h-h-h-h-h-ave to”
So the doctor goes through with the surgery and tells the guy to come back in a couple weeks to see how things are going
So the guy comes back a couple weeks later and says
“Doctor, it’s terrible. I can’t talk to women anymore. I have no confidence. I suck in the bed… all I want is my dick back”
And the doctor responds “f-f-f-f-f-fuck you”
As prerequisite for his job with a very conservative corporation, a young man was sent for a psychiatric evaluation. Picking up a stack of cards, the doctor showed the patient a pair of parallel lines. “When you look at this, what do you see?” “Two people making love,” he answered. The doctor held up a picture showing a rectangle. “What does this remind you of?” “A penis.” “And this?’ the doctor asked as he held up a triangle.
“A pussy.” The psychiatrist laid down the cards. I’m afraid I can’t recommend you for the job, young man. All you think about is sex.”
“Me?” the man yelled. “Who’s they guy with the collection of dirty pictures?”
|
