A young man arrives to a club (to put it bluntly, a brothel). To his surprise, he finds out his father's car is parked outside. He gets mad and decides to break the windows, puncture the tires and scratch the bodywork. Next morning he meets his father at breakfast and defiantly the lad asks: 'you look terrible, didn’t you have a good time last night?’ 'Well son', the father replies sadly, I am terribly upset...'I've found the car totally destroyed, the windows are broken to pieces, the tires are flat, and it is scratched all over.........but your mother will be really upset, for the one time that I let her take the car'

A couple is fooling around when they hear a key in the door. The woman breaks away and yells, “It’s my husband. Quick, jump out the window.”
“I can’t” the man tells her. “We’re on the thirteenth floor!”
“For heaven’s sake!” cries the woman. “This is no time to be superstitious.”

A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law go to Jerusalem to observe the culture and to get a better understanding of the holy city. Throughout their stay, tragedy stuck.. the mother-in-law passed away. The man and his wife go to the local undertaker to see about burrying the deceased. The undertaker said "You can burry her here for $150.00 or we can ship her home for $3,000.00. The man instantly said "Oh we'll ship here home.." The undertaker a bit taken back, begged the question "Why would you do that when you can burry her hear and save a lot of money?" The man exclaimed "A man died here over 2000 years only to rise again three days later.. I don't want to take that chance!"

What does Einstein read on the Toilet?
Brownian motion.