A guy is golfing alone and suddenly he forgets what hole he was on so he kindly asks a lady who is in front of him, what hole she is on. She replies I’m on nine so you must be on 8 he said ok thank you. On the back nine he forgets what hole he is on again, aggravated he asks the lady again what hole she was on. She replies I’m on eight-teen so you must be on seven-teen; he says thanks and goes on golfing. After he gets done he goes up to the club house and he sees the lady that helped him drinking a soda, so he goes and sits next to her and says " thanks for helping me out there" and she replies "no problem" they talk for a moment and he asks her; “what do you do for living?” and she replies; “I’m a Tampax saleslady”. Suddenly the man starts laughing hilariously and she asks: “what is so funny about that”. The man says, “Nothing, it just happens that I’m a toilet paper salesman and I’m still a hole behind you!

Once, there was a middle-aged man named Herman who decided to try a different golf course than his usual. On the second hole he met up with another man, named Elmer, so they decided to golf together. As they were teeing off on the 6th hole, a gorgeous naked woman runs past, followed by two men in white coats. Herman looks in awe at the woman, and a few seconds later another man in a white coat runs by holding two buckets of sand. Herman then asks Elmer, "What the hell was that?" to which Elmer replies, "There is a mental institution down the street and every day, that woman tries to escape. The men in the white coats are the ones trying to catch her. The person who catches her gets to carry her back." Herman thought for a moment then said, "OK, but who was the man holding the sand buckets?" Elmer answered, "He caught her yesterday, the sand is his handicap."

1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

Here's a golf foursome you wouldn't want to follow:
Monica, because she's a hooker,
OJ Simpson, because he's a slicer,
Ted Kennedy, because he can't drive over water, and Bill Clinton, because he can't remember which hole he's playing.