One day little Johnny went to school. His teacher said they were going to play a game. She would place an object behind her and describe it. The first person to get it got a piece of candy. First she said, "The object is red and grows on trees." A kid raised his hand and said "an apple" the teacher said correct. Then she said, "The object is flat and comes in different colors” a different kid raises his hand and said it is a notebook! The teacher said correct. Then Johnny said, "ooh! ooh! Can I try?" The teacher said yes. He stood up and put his hand in his pocket. He said "The object is round, hard, and has a head on it." The teacher said "JOHNNY! GO TO THE OFFICE!!" Johnny said, "No it's a quarter!"

Little Johnny is standing in the back yard with a hand full of M&M's and the cat by the tail in the other. His mom notices and watches him. He pops a couple M&M's, takes a bit out of the cats tail, and hops a couple of steps. Then he does it again pops a couple M&M’s, takes a bit out of the cats tail, and hops a couple steps. Finally his mom comes out and says "Johnny what are you doing?" and he says, "I’m being a trucker mom. Popping some pills eaten some pussy and moving along."

Early one morning as school was starting the teacher called out to her students to get ready to make their presentations. She had asked the students to write about something important that happened in their families the night before. She asked who wanted to go first and Terry and little Johnny raised their hands. She called on Terry first because Little Johnny had a tendency to be fowl mouthed Terry gave his presentation and went back to his seat. Little Johnny walked up to the board and drew a dot and then walked back to his seat. The teacher after pondering over this for a minute finally asked what it was and Little Johnny said it was a period and the teacher said yes I can see that but what does it mean.
Little Johnny said, "The hell if I know, but last night at dinner when my sister told my parents she missed one Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted and the drug store owner on the corner shot himself.”

Little Johnny asks his dad one day, "Dad, can you buy me a bicycle for my birthday?" "I'm sorry Johnny, but I've just lost my job and we still owe the bank $80,000 for the house. We just can't afford to buy you a new bike."
The next morning Johnny's dad sees him walking out the front door with his suitcase. He asks him where he's going and Johnny tells him, "Last night I heard you tell mom you were pulling out, but she told you to wait because she was coming too, and I'll be damned if I'm going to stay here with a $80,000 mortgage and no f....g bike."