A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices
his friend is very well endowed. "My goodness Bob, you're hung!" Jim
exclaims. "I wasn't always this impressive; I had to work for it.
"What do you mean?" Jim asked "Well, every day for the past two years
I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know it
sounds crazy but it actually made it grow 4 inches! You should try it.
Jim agrees and the two say good bye. A few months later the two
are in the same locker room and Bob asks Jim how his situation was.
Jim replied," I did what you said, Bob, but I've actually gotten
smaller! - I lost two inches already!" "Did you do everything I told
you? An hour each day with butter?" "Well, I was out of butter, so
I've been using Crisco." "Crisco?!?" Bob exclaimed. "Dammit, Jim,
Crisco's shortening!!!!" You gotta follow the recipe!

A guy visiting Las Vegas got totally wasted and when he awoke the following morning he was in a strange bed with the ugliest girl he’d ever seen. Very quietly, he got up, got dressed and left $30.00 on the bureau. As he was tiptoeing his way out the door he felt a tug on his leg. Another ugly woman was lying on the floor. She smiled and said, “Nothing for the bridesmaid?”

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar.
He Walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "You know
that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her. "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped "it" to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show".
"Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw."
And what happened then? Asked Jeff.
"I kicked her in the face."

1. Men are like .......Bananas ..... The older they get, the less firm they are.
2. Men are like .......Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them.
3. Men are like .......Blenders ... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
4. Men are like .Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
5. Men are like Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.
6. Men are like ........Department Stores .... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
7. Men are like ........Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
8. Men are like .......Mascara ..... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
9. Men are like .....Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
10. Men are like Snowstorms ..... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
11. Men are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know!!!!!!!!!!