This man pulls into this rural gas station with a big Cadillac said to the yokel “fill er up” The yokel went to the back and could not find the lid to open the gas tank. He went back and said, “How do I get the lid up”? “Oh! and pushed a little button and the lid popped up.
How did you do that? I just pushed this button on the dash and it popped up.
Man you have got everything on this car, he said.
When he filled the tank he asked if he wanted the oil checked the man said yes, so the yokel went to the front and could not find the latch to open the hood.
“How do I get the hood open”? So the man pushed a button on the dash and it popped up. How did you do that? He asked. I just pushed this button on the dash and it popped up.
Man you have got everything on this car, the yokel said.
When he was done he went to the window and said that will be 20 dollars and 15 cents. The man took out his wallet and got $20, then he took some change out of his pocket and with his change there were two golf tees.
What are those things? the yokel asked. They are tees the man said.
Never seen any golf tees, the yokel asked, what are they for?
They are to put your balls on when you drive
Wow! You have got everything on this car.

Three contestants on a game show were trying to win prizes.
The emcee asked the first one, “for $3000 who invented the telephone”
“Alexandra Graham Bell,” she answered.
“Right you are and as an added bonus what is your home town”
“Orange Grove Florida” she answered. O.K. you will receive a year’s supply of the biggest and best oranges” said the emcee.
He asked the next one, now for $2000 who discovered America?
“Columbus she answered. Right and what is your home town? Asked the emcee.
Peach tree Georgia, she said. O.K. you will receive a year’s supply of the biggest and best peaches for a year”
He then asked the last one, “now for $1000 who was the first president”
“George Washington, she said” “Right you are” said the emcee
The lady screamed out “I beat you all and hit the jack pot!”
“How can you say that asked the other two, you only won $1000"
“I’m from Petersburg.” She replied.

Q: What drink do you get when you mix Old Man River with the Virgin River?
A: A muddy Mary

Miss Beatrice. The church organist was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. ‘Miss Beatrice', he said, ‘I wonder if you would tell me about this?’ Pointing to the bowl; 'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, Keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know? I haven't had the flu all winter!!