This CIA agent is sent on an assignment to Ireland. When he gets there, he's supposed to meet a contact named "Murphy". When he meets his contact, he's supposed to identify himself by saying, "It's a lovely day, and I'm sure it will be even better tonight." So he arrives and heads to one of the pubs. Inside, he walks up to the bartender and says, "Excuse me, I'm looking for a man named Murphy." To which the Bartender replies, "Well, if you're looking' for Murphy the post man, he'll be at the post office, and Murphy the Police Man will be at the Police department, and if you're looking' for Murphy the Bartender, that's me." So the man thinks about it for a minute, and then says to the Bartender, "It's a lovely day, and I'm sure it will be even better tonight." And the Bartender says, "Oh, your looking' for Murphy the Spy, are yeh?"

A British pilot during W.W.II was shot down over Germany. In the hospital, he was told that his left leg had to be amputated. He asked for it to be parachuted down over England. This was done. A week later, his right leg had to go, and he asked for the same thing to be done. A week later his left arm had the same fate. A short time later, when his right arm was about to be taken off, he asked for the arm to be dropped over England like the other limbs. He met with a refusal by the German doctor. The answer he received was: "No; we think that you are trying to escape".

A man and his foreign wife are having sex. When finished she stands up and lets out an extremely loud fart. Her husband says, “Honey, what in the world was that?" His foreign wife replies, “Front side so happy, backside laughs out loud!"

A tourist in a Cairo bazaar was offered a large skull by a street-trader. “dis de skull of great Queen Cleopatra, by friend,” said the trader, “only one hundred pounds.”
“No thank you,” said the tourist. “It’s far too expensive.”
“How ‘bout dis one, my friend?” said the street trader, producing a small skull.
“Whose skull is that?”
“dis de skull of great Queen Cleopatra when she was a little girl!”