Two airplane mechanics have nothing to do on a foggy night at O’Hare Airport. Bob says to Bill, “I hear that you can get a buzz off drinking jet fuel.” Since they have nothing better to do, they try it. Their shift is over and they go home. The next morning Bob calls Bill and says, “How are you feeling?” Bill says he is fine, never felt better. “Wow, this is great! We can drink all we want and not get a hangover.” Bob says, “Well, there is one side effect, Bill. Have you farted yet?” Bill says, “No, why?” “I did, and I’m calling you from Milwaukee.

Q: Did you hear about the gay magician?
A: He disappeared with a poof!

Anna had lost her husband almost four years and her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world.
Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties. He was in his birthday suit. Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"
She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore but down there I am still mourning." He knew he was not getting lucky that night.
The following night was the same. She stood there wearing the black panties and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black condom.
She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?"
He replied, "I want to offer you my deepest condolences!"

After completing their shopping, these two friends were about to drive back home and one of them realized that she’d forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for birth-control pills.
Rushing into the nearest drugstore, she handed the prescription to the pharmacist. “Can you fill this quickly?” she asked. “I’ve got someone waiting in the car.”