After a heart-transplant operation, the patient was receiving instructions from his doctor. He was placed on a strict diet, denied tobacco, and advised to get at least eighth hour’s sleep a night. Finally, the patient asked, “What about my sex life, Doc? Will it be all right for me to have intercourse?”
“Just with your wife,” responded the doctor. “We don’t want you to get too excited.”

“Doctor,” said the young woman. “I’d prefer being vaccinated where it won’t show.”
“All right,” replied the physician “but you’ll have to pay in advance.” “And why do I have to pay in advance?” the girl protested. “Because the last time a patient as pretty as you made that request,” he explained, “I got so wrapped up in what I was doing I forgot to charge her.”

The gynecologist examining Mrs. Reed looks up. “I’m sorry, but removing that vibrator will involve a very lengthy and delicate procedure. We’ll have to admit you to the hospital.” “I’m sot sure my husband’s insurance will cover it,” Mrs. Reed says. “Why don’t you just replace the batteries?”

The young woman from Texas went to the hospital for a checkup. “Have you been X-rayed yet?” asked the doctor. “Nope,” she said, “but I have been ultra-violated.”