On a flight from New York to LA there was a loud bang, followed by some brief turbulence. "Sorry about the bumpy ride there folks,” the captain said over the loud speaker. "We just lost our number four engine. No need to be alarmed, we'll still get to L.A. just fine, but our arrival will be delayed by one hour." While flying over Colorado, there was a loud bang, followed by some brief turbulence. "Sorry about the bumpy ride folks,” the captain said over the load speaker. "We just lost our number two engine. No need to be alarmed, we'll still get to L.A. just fine, but our arrival will be delayed by two hours." While flying over Utah, there was a loud bang, followed by some brief turbulence. "Sorry about the bumpy ride folks,” the captain said over the loud speaker. "We just lost our number three engine. No need to be alarmed, we'll still get to L.A. just fine, but our arrival will be delayed by three hours." A few minutes later, there was another loud bang, and an irritated passenger said, "Great, now it'll take forever!"

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.”

An American and a Canadian are sitting on a plane. After takeoff the Canadian leans back, and takes his shoes off, and begins to relax. The American, who is pinned in at the window, says, "Sorry to trouble you but our call light is broken. Could you get me a beer?"

"No problem," says the Canadian. As he walks towards the galley, the American quickly bends down and spits in the guys shoes. The Canadian returns with the beer and settles back into his seat. Upon landing the Canadian puts on his shoes and immediately realizes what has happened.

"Ah, hell, Why must it be this way?" he ask the American. "This constant fighting between our nations, this animosity, this spitting in shoes and pissing in beers..."

A man boarded a plane with 5 kids. After they got settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, “Are all of those kids yours?” “No. I work for a condom company. These are customer’s complaints.” He replied.