Ladies and gentlemen. I come before you to stand behind you and tell you something I know nothing about. Next Thursday the day after Friday there will be a ladies meeting for men only. Wear your best clothes if you haven't any and if you can come please stay home. Admission is free; you can pay at the day. We'll give you a seat so you can seat on the floor. It makes no difference where you seat. The boy in the gallery is sure to spit.

How can you tell when your girlfriend’s horny?
When you stick your hands in her panties, and it feels like you are feeding a horse.

An Indian warrior had three squaws and so he built a Tee-Pee for each one. The first day he went hunting and shot an elk, he put the elk hide in the tee-pee of the first squaw and she was happy. The next day he went hunting again and shot a deer, he put the deer hide in the tee-pee of the second squaw. That night there was a terrible snow storm and when he woke up in the morning he didn’t want to go hunting, just then a traveling salesman from the east came by and he bought a hide of a hippopotamus and put it in the tee-pee of the third squaw, now she was happy
The next spring they all had their babies, the squaw with the elk hide had a boy, the squaw with the deer hide had a girl and the squaw with the hippopotamus hide had twins, a boy and a girl.
The Indian warrior thought “The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides”

Three storks meet and ask each other: “Where are you going today?”
“Hooo, I'm going to a couple trying to have a child for 10 years... I bring them a little girl. “That’s cool!
And you?” “I am going to see a lady who has never had children.
I bring her a boy! “Very well, I'm sure she'll be really happy.”
“And you?” The first two ask the third stork.
“Me? I am going over to a close-by convent.
I would never bring them anything, but I love to scare them ...”