There was a pastor who was selling a horse. And one day a man was interested and came to look the horse over.
The man wanted to see how the horse rode. So the pastor told him if he wanted the horse to go then he would have to say Praise God and if he wanted the horse to stop then all he had to say was Halleluah.
So the man took the horse out and said Praise God and the horse started walking but the man wanted to go faster. So he said Praise God again and again until the horse was riding to a speed to his liking.
He then saw that there was a cliff coming up real fast and that he needed to stop.
But he forgot what he had to say in order for the horse to stop then right before the edge of the cliff he remember and said Halleluah!
The horse stopped and he let out a sigh and said Praise God and the horseran off the cliff.

A woman came to a new church for the first time. She brought her daughter, who was four into the church with her. When the collection plate was passed around, her daughter put $100,000 of Monopoly money in. The woman saw it and tried to secretly slip it out of the plate. But her daughter saw her take the monopoly money out and in front of the entire church screamed out, "MOMMY, DON"T YOU TAKE GOD"S MONEY!!"

Jesus is wandering around Jerusalem when he decides he
really needs a new robe. After looking around, he sees a sign
for "Finkelstein, the Tailor." He goes in and Finkelstein prepares a new robe for him, which is a perfect fit. When he asks how much he owes,
Finkelstein brushes him off: "No, no, no, for the Son of God? There's no charge! However, may I ask a small favor? Maybe whenever you give a sermon you could just mention a little something about how your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein the Tailor." Jesus readily agrees and, as promised, plugs Finkelstein's robes every time he preaches. Some months later, Jesus is walking through Jerusalem and happens by Finkelstein's shop.
There is a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein's robes. He pushes his way through the crowd to speak to Finkelstein. "Jesus! Jesus!! Look what a marvel you've been for business!" gushed Finkelstein. "Would you consider a partnership?"
"Sure, sure," replies Jesus. "Jesus & Finkelstein it is."
"Oh, no, no," says Finkelstein. "Finkelstein & Jesus."
After all, I am the craftsman." The two of them debated
this for some time. Their discussion was long and spirited, but
ultimately fruitful. Finally, they come up with a mutually
acceptable compromise.
A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein's
shop...
Are you sure you want to know?

This could be painful....

Okay, you asked for it!

Here it comes...

Don't say you weren't warned...


"LORD & TAYLOR"

One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, sprinkled some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches. An altar boy witnessed the scene and then ran to the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said.
Tell me, where is this man now? “Flat on his back!” over by the holy water.