This young girl wanted to see Santa so she stayed up on Christmas Eve.

At about 12:00 a.m. Santa came down her chimney and she said to him in a little voice "Santa will you stay with me?" And Santa said" HO HO HO gotta go, gotta go, gotta give other children presents you know"
So she took of her robe and she said"Santa will you stay with me now and he said "HO HO HO gotta go gotta go gotta give other children presents you know"
So she took off her bra and said" Santa will you stay with me now? And he said again HO HO HO gotta go, gotta go, gotta give other children presents you know
So she took off her panties so she was completely naked and she said in a sexy voice SANTA WILL YOU STAY WITH ME NOW? Santa said" Hey hey, hey gotta stay, gotta stay can't go up the chimney with my pecker this way

*How do you make your wife scream after an orgasm?
Wipe your penis on the curtains.

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
"Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. The Martian responds, "Pretty much the way you do." A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member - about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen. "Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?” "Well," she replies, "it's just not long enough to reach me!", "No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long. "Well," she says, "that's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow.” "No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways.
As they walk along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any good?” "I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?” "It was horrible," he replies, "all I got was a headache...she kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

One Payday Mr. Goodbar wanted a Bit O'Honey so he took Miss Hershey back in the Power house on the corner of Clark & Fifth Ave. He began to feel her Mounds and that was sure Almond Joy which made his Tootsie Roll. He let out a Snicker and his Butterfingers went up her Kit Kat and caused a Milky Way. She screamed "O Henry" and squeezed his Zagnuts. Miss Hershey said you were even better than the Three Musketeers. Soon she was a bit Chunky. Nine months later she had a Baby Ruth.