A couple had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, “Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever.’”
“Yeah?” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband – Stiff At Last.’”

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. The husband asks, “I noticed you’ve been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?” “Yes,” she replies, “he is my ex husband, and he’s been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.” Remarkable,” the husband replies, “I wouldn’t think anybody could celebrate that long.”

A man sits reading his paper when his wife enters the house; she approaches him in a most provocative manner. "Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?" she asks in a soft sweet voice. Not knowing what to make of this situation he replies "No." Pursing her lips she give him a sexy little smile, reaches into her cleavage and slowly pulls out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.
Then stepping closer in she asks in a low sexy voice "Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?" Intrigued he answers "Uh, no."
She gives him another sexy little smile, seductively reaches into her panties and ever so slowly removes a crumpled fifty dollar bill.
"Now" she says as she leans down and whispers "Have you ever seen 30,000 dollars all crumpled up?" Totally confused and excited he stammers "No-o-o-o-o." "Well" she whispers in his ear, "then go look in the garage..."

Everyone knows that when you have two people working in the house- hold and have no kids, they are called "DINKS" Double income no kids.
What do you call them after they have kids? "TINS" Two incomes no sex.