A doctor was walking into the hospital when he saw a man doubled over in pain in the parking lot. “Can I help you?” he asked. “Are you here to see one of the doctors?” “Well, I was,” the man said, “but I got to the office door and it said ‘Dr. Mingo, 9-1.’ With those odds, I figured I was better off taking care of myself.”

A psychiatrist congratulated his patient on making such good progress. “You call this progress?” snapped the patient. “Six months ago, I was Napoleon. Now I’m nobody!”

A veterinarian is feeling ill and goes to see her doctor. The doctor asks her all the usual questions about symptoms, how long they have been occurring, etc.
She interrupts him, “Hey look, I’m a vet. I don’t need to ask my patients these kinds of questions; I can tell what’s wrong just by looking. Why can’t you? The doctor nods, looks her up and down, writes out a prescription, and hands it to her.
‘There you are. Of course, if that doesn’t work, we’ll have to have you put down.’

A guy visits his doctor and says he has a problem with sex.
“Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says.
The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. Well, American beer,” he replies quite baffled. “Aaaahhh. There’s your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers… you should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow.”
A couple of months later the man returns to see the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him. “I take it you now drink Guinness?” asked the physician. “Oh no, Doc,” “but I have the wife drinking American beer!”