Colonel Patrick Miller was arrested for running after a woman through a hotel lobby, both of them entirely naked. Brought up on charges, he got off on a technicality. As his lawyer pointed out, it is not necessary for an officer to be in uniform provided he is properly attired for the sport in which he is engaged.

Called up in the draft, Jeff and Joe had no desired to serve in the army. Thus they had all their teeth pulled, aware that the military wouldn’t take them if they were toothless.
Showing up for their exam, they were lined up along with a husky man.
When Jeff stepped up to the doctor, the physician said, “anything wrong with you?”
“Yes sir,” Jeff replied, “I have no teeth.” Pushing his fingers into Jeff’s mouth, the doctor felt around. “Right”, he said, “you’re 4F.”
The doctor called over the big guy next. “Anything wrong with you?”
“Yeah,” he said, “I got piles.” Reaching around, the doctor pushed his fingers into the man’s anus. “You sure do, you’re 4F.”
Joe was summoned. “Anything wrong with you?”
“Not a thing,” Joe replied.

A warship was returning after a successful campaign. Both the Captain and 2in command were drunk and chatting on the deck .The Captain said, 'Sex is 80% pleasure and 20% hard work.'No, Sir,' replied the 2-i-c and said; It is 50-50. It went into a drunken brawl and they decided on a third opinion. A young sailor cleaning the deck was called and was summoned to decide. Shuddering and afraid of ire of either man he answered, 'With respects Sir, it should be 100% pleasure for either of you. If there is any hard work involved I shall be available any time Sir!!"

A soldier, a sailor, an airman and a marine get into an argument about what armed forces is the best. The argument gets so heated that they all fail to see an on-coming truck and are hit and killed instantly. When they all arrive in heaven they see Saint Peter at the pearly gates. So they all decide that Saint Peter can settle their argument. They all walk up to Saint Peter and ask "Which military service is best?" Saint Peter thinks for a moment and then says, "Well, I'm afraid I cannot tell you. But I'll tell you what I can do, I'll talk to God next time I see him and I'll find out for you. In the meantime, welcome to heaven." So they all enter into heaven. Later, they all see Saint Peter while walking around and they all ask him about their question. But before Saint Peter can say anything, trumpets blare, a bright light shines and a white dove flies out of the light with an envelope in its beak. Saint Peter says, "Ah, here is the answer from the boss." Saint Peter takes the letter and the dove flies off. Saint Peter opens the letter and trumpets play, gold dust flies up and Saint Peter reads aloud:
FROM THE DESK OF GOD
TO: SOLDIERS, SAILORS, AIRMEN AND MARINES
RE: WHICH SERVICE IS BEST

Dear Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines,
ALL branches of the United States Armed Forces are truly honorable. One should take pride in serving with the military. You are all well trained men, all capable of pulling off your job exceedingly well.
Therefore, there is no superior service.
Sincerely,

God, U.S. Army Special Forces (Ret.)