While in a line at the bank one afternoon, a Lady's toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. The lady was finally able to grab hold of him after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. She told him that if he didn't start behaving himself right now, he would be punished. To the lady's horror, the brat looked her in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!” The silence was deafening, after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! The poor lady mastered the last of her dignity and walked out of the bank with her son in tow. The last thing she heard, as the doors closed behind her were the screams of laughter.

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're going to get hair on your Twinkie."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I’m going to get boobs too."

A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.
"1. Open your fly.
2. Take out your equipment.
3. Pull back the skin
4. Do your business.
5. Let the skin forward.
6. Stow your equipment.
7. Close your fly."
She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the outhouse door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7."
She was pleased with his progress until that day when she passed the bathroom door and heard, "3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5."

TEACHER: Brian, what's one plus one?
The kid holds up his fingers and counts two
BRIAN: Two
TEACHER: Good job, what's three plus three?
The kid holds up his fingers and counts six
BRIAN: Six
TEACHER: good job now put your hands in your pocket and tell me what's five plus five?
The kid put his hands in his pocket and starts counting in his head and tells the teacher
BRIAN: Eleven