Q. What did the pad say to the fart?
A. You are the wind beneath my wings.

Q. What do lesbians cook for dinner?
A. They dont!, They eat out!

"10 Things In Golf That Sound Naughty"

1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

An old lady walked into a store got some cat food and at the register ready to pay the clerk said; "before you pay, we need proof you own a cat cause some people buy it and eat it themselves", so she goes home gets her cat buys the cat food and goes home. The next day the same old lady walks in and grabs dog food goes to the register and the cashier tells her again "we need proof you own a dog cause some people buy the food and eat it themselves”, so she went home got her dog bought the food and went home. The next day she walks in with a little box and goes to the cashier and asks her to put her finger in the box, the cashier responds "no way " the old lady assures her there is nothing in the box that would harm her so she stuck her finger in and felt something mushy with a foul smell and asks “what is this, Crap or something" and the old lady replies "yes” so can I buy some toilet paper now"?