After going through the line at a crowded mall cafeteria, three rambunctious teenage boys found they were forced to share a table with a kindly looking old lady. One of the lads decided to have a bit of fun at the woman’s expense and, nudging one of his buddies under the table, suddenly remarked, “Did your folks ever get married?” “Nope,” replied his tablemate, picking up the put on. “How about yours?” “They never bothered,” answered the first young man. “That’s nothing,” interrupted the third, “my mother doesn’t even know who my father is.” The elderly woman looked up from her coffee and said sweetly. “Excuse me, but would one of you little bastards please pass the sugar?”

An elderly couple is in a dingy theater, watching a porn movie over and over. After the last showing of the day, the usher who is cleaning the theater can’t resist saying to them, “You folks must have really enjoyed the show.” “Not at all,” the elderly gent says. “It was disgusting.” “Revolting,” add his wife. “Then why did you sit through it so many times?” “We had to! We had to wait until the house lights came up,” the wife responds. “We couldn’t find my underpants, and my husband’s teeth were in them.”

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say “Supersex.” She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, “Supersex.” He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, “I’ll take the soup.”

The young journalist was interviewing a woman who had just reached her hundredth birthday. “To what do you attribute your remarkable good health?” he asked.
“Well,” she said, thoughtfully, I’ve always eaten moderately, worked hard, I don’t smoke or drink, and I keep good hours.”
“Have you ever been bedridden?” the reporter asked.
“Well, sure,” said the elderly lady, “but don’t put that in your paper.”