A horse walks into the bar.
The bartender says "why the long face?"

There was a pub, directly opposite a hospital.
One day a man walked in wearing a white hospital smock and pulling a drip attached to his wrist on a stand on casters.
He approached the bar and the barman eyed him suspiciously.
He eventually approached the man who said, "Could I please have a double whiskey?"
The barman duly placed it on the bar whereon the man picked it up and downed it in one.
"I shouldn’t have had that with what I've got" said the man.
"Why, what's that?" asked the barman.
"10p" replied the man.

Q: Do you know why the idiot did not enjoy his honeymoon?
A: Because he was waiting for the swelling to go down!

Q: What's the difference between a decorated Christmas tree and a man?
A: Nothing, you only use the balls for a special occasion.