This guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at the guy and says" Have you seen Ilene?" The guy is rather confused and asked " Ilene who?" The bartender relies " I lean over and you kiss my ass." Well the man was offended by this and walks out the door and into the bar across the street. So he sits down and orders a beer. While he is drinking his beer he tells the bartender what the other bartender said to him. The bartender then told him," You know what you should do, you should go back over there and ask him if he has seen Ben and when he says Ben who you say I bend over and you kiss my ass. So the guy goes back across the street and asks the Bartender if he has seen Ben. And the Bartender said " Yep, He just went out the door with Ilene." The guy asks" Ilene who? ......

There's this guy who's sitting in the bar he order's two pints at a time he drink's one of the pint's pours the other between his legs the waitress come's around again asks the guy if he'd like two more beer's,he replies yes two more pint's she bring's him two more pint's she then noticed that he drank one of the pint's and poured the other between his legs she asks him what are you doing sir "he say's"Well miss I just won the 649 Lottery and this is the only PRICK I'm sharing it with.

A couple is scuba diving and they get separated. The husband reaches frantically until he runs out of air. He calls the coast Guard and immediately begins searching for her.
Two days later, the coast Guard calls the husband and the captain says, “We’ve found your wife, but there’s some good new and some bad news.” Bracing himself, the husband asks, “What’s the bad news?” “She’s dead,” says the captain. “What the hell is the good news?” cries the husband.
“Well,” says the captain, “When we pulled her out of the water, she had three good sized lobsters and seven crabs attached to her gear.”
“What’s so good about that?” demands the husband.
“We are going to bring her up again tomorrow!” says the captain

A cowboy had a few drinks and went out to jump on his horse but came back into the bar all pissed off. Who painted my horse’s ball yellow? A 6 foot 8 cowpoke said I did. What are you going to do about it? The cowboy says, " I just wanted to let you know the first coat is dry."