One day a young paratrooper came to visit his father after he had completed training to become a paratrooper and began discussing his training. The young man told his father that training began with us jumping off platforms, each day they got higher and higher until the day came that we got to jump out of a real airplane. The drill sergeant asked for volunteers to go first. The father asked, "Did you volunteer to go?" The young man said "Oh no, I was too scared" Then the father said " what did the drill sergeant do with the people that didn't jump out" "Well" the young man said "the drill sergeant told us that if we didn't jump out he was going to throw us out” The father asked "did he throw you out?" The young man said "Oh no, I held on to the side of that door for dear life I wouldn't let him throw me out for nothing." Then the father asked, "well, then what did the drill sergeant do?" He replied, " The drill sergeant told me that if I didn't jump out he was going to shove his dick up my ass" His dad asked, "Well did you jump?" The young man replied "Well YEAH, a little at first.

Q. How did Pinocchio discover that he was made of wood?
A. When his right hand caught fire.

An old lady walks in a dinner and seats where she can see the cook, and asks the waiter for a hamburger. He says "ok, hamburger." The old lady sees the cook stick the hamburger meat under his arm and slaps it on the grill. The old lady says,"Oh my God that is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen!" The waiter says, “That’s nothing you should see how he makes Donuts.

A man and a woman were in bed getting ready to make love.
The woman directed the man, “Go ahead. Put your finger in there.” So the man
did, and after a few minutes, she said, “Put a few more in.” So the man put a few more in, and then she requested, “Put your whole hand in.” The man did this, and after a few moments the woman said, “Now put your other hand in.” So the man did. The woman said, “Clap”
“I can’t,” replied the man.
So the woman said, “Tight, huh?”