A Preacher, a Priest and a Rabbi are playing golf and discussing the various ways they work out the split of the collection plates.
The Pastor says, "At our church, we draw a 3 foot wide circle on the ground and throw the money straight up and whatever lands outside the circle, I keep and the rest goes to God".
The Priest, thinking himself a little more pious, says, "We use a one foot wide circle, we also throw the money and whatever lands inside the circle goes to me and the rest goes to our Father up in Heaven.
Then, they both look at the Rabbi. The Rabbi says, "Alright, already! We in the Synagogue are a little different; we never got as fancy-chancy as you, with the circle thing. However, we do throw the money high up in the air and whatever God wants; . . . he keeps".

After receiving the bad news from a visit to the doctor that he had only a year to live, this fellow was seeking advice from his pastor on what to do. In response the pastor replied,” First I find a 1960 mobile home without air conditioning in the middle of a swamp in south Georgia, next I would buy a 1962 Dodge pickup with 178,000 miles on it, last I would find the meanest, bossiest swamp woman I could find and marry her. Frankly ask the sick man " How will this extend the last year of my life?"“Well it won't extend your life,” replied the pastor." It will just seem like eternity

A priest and a taxi driver die and go to heaven. St. peter led the priest to a little hut in the corner of heaven. Then he led the taxi driver to a huge mansion where everyone could admire it. One day, the priest asked St. Peter," If I am a priest and he is a taxi driver, how come he gets a much larger house than me?" St. Peter replied," When you preached about Jesus, people slept.” “ When the taxi driver drove people around, they prayed."

A lady with a hearing problem goes to confession. The priest asked her to speak more quietly, since everyone in the church could hear her and even suggested for her to write down what she had to say in advance. At her next confession, she knelt and handed a piece of paper to the priest. He looked at it and said, “What is this” It looks like a grocery list.” “Mother of God!” said the lady. “I must have left my sins at the Market!”