Beans, beans the musical fruit,

The more you eat, the more you toot.

The more you toot, the better you feel,

So lets have beans for every meal.

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome trail, each with a tale of bravado for which cowboys are famous.
‘I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is,’ the first cowboy says with a sneer. ‘Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored five grown men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands. The second cowboy can’t stand to be beaten. ‘Why, that’s nothing,’ he says. ‘I was walking down the trail yesterday when a big rattler made a move for me. I grabbed it with my bare hands, bit its head off and sucked down all of its poison! And I’m still here to tell the tale.’
All this time, the third cowboy remains silent and the first two turn to look at him as he slowly stokes the red-hot coals with his penis.

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks. ‘I have just the thing,’ says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. ‘Just place this between your cheek and gum.’
The client places the ball in his mouth and begins to give the man the closest shave he has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech ‘And what if I swallow it?’ ‘No problem,’ says the barber. ‘Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!’

A Lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?” “Really” he says. “Have you tried a good mouthwash?”