“So Mss. Burn,” said the judge, “you wish me to grant you a divorce. On what grounds?” “Two acres,” she said. The judge glared. “I mean do you have a grudge?”
“Yes sir,” she replied. “Fits two cars.” “Madam what I mean is -- does he beat you up?”
“Never. I get up half an our before him to do aerobics.” Shaking is head, the judge said,
“I just can’t understand why you want a divorce!” “Because,” the woman complained,
“We just don’t communicate!”

Q. What t is the difference between giving your wife a 1-karat ring or a 2-karat ring?
A. With a 1-karat she spits … with a 2-karat she swallows!

A loving couple had their first grandchild and was visibly excited.
So the wife asks her husband. " Honey how does it feel being a grandfather?"
"Oh that’s ok," he said " but I'm not so sure about going to bed with a grandmother!"

The new bride turned to her husband as they entered the bridal suite of the hotel.
“Honey,” she said, “I must confess that I haven’t any idea what to do tonight.”
“Dear,” her husband snickered, “you are putting me on.”