A man walked into a doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his right ear, and a banana in his left ear.
"What's wrong with me, Doc?" he asked.
The doctor took one glance and pronounced, "You're not eating properly!"
A guy walks into his doctor's office and says, "Ddddoc, I've bbbeen sssttttuttering ffor yyears and III'm tired of it. Ccccan yyyou hehehelp mmme???"
The doc says, "Well, I'll have to examine you first before I can answer you." The doc examines him and says, "Well, I'm pretty sure that I know what the problem is."
The guy asks, "wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc?"
The doc says,” It’s your penis. It's about about 18 inches long and all of the down pressure is putting a strain on your vocal chords."
The guy asks, "Wwwhat ccan wwe ddo about it?"
The doc replies, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one. I can guarantee that the operation will cure your stuttering."
The guy says, "Dddo it!"
The guy has the operation and about four weeks later he comes back to the doctor's office and says, "Thanks Doc. You've solved my problem and I don't stutter any more but I've only had sex once in the past month. My wife doesn't enjoy it any more. I cannot satisfy her. She liked my long penis. I don't care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my
long one back one!"
The doc replies, "Nnnnope. A ddddeal's a ddddeal!"
A 90-year-old man was having his annual check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better," the old man replied. "I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant & delivered a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked.
The doctor thought for a moment, then said, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting. But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun”. The doctor continued, "So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some brush in front of him. He raises his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle”.
BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him. "That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief.
”Someone else must have shot that lion”.
"Exactly"... Said the Doc.
A man presents at the doctor and complains, "Doctor, I can’t stop singing Tom Jones songs?"
The physician replies "Its not unusual.............."