Three guys had just been released from prison and were really kinky. They saw this beautiful woman as they were walking in the woods. Each of them had sex with the woman. Unfortunately, the woman was part of a tribe and the tribe Chief captured the three men and made a bargain with them. He said, "If the three of your penises together measure twenty one inches (or more) we will not kill you but let you go free.” They took the first guy and he measured 15.5inches. They took the second guy and he measured 5 inches. Finally they took the third man and he was with them for a few hours and he measured .5 inches. The Chief released the men because they together measured twenty-one. On the way home they were bragging to each other. The first man said. You guys are really lucky for my fifteen and a half inches. The second man said that they were really lucky for his five inches. The third man said. “You guys are lucky that I had a bone!”

This fireman comes home from work and tells his wife about the bell system they have at the station and proceeds to explain; bell one we slide down the poll. Bell two we get dressed for the fire. Bell three we get on the truck and go. Lets try a system like that when I come home and say bell one you strip and when I say bell two we go to the bedroom and when I say bell three we can be wild the rest of the night. His wife agrees to try. So the next night the husband comes home and yells bell one the wife strips then he yells bell two and they go back to the bedroom, he then yells bell three and they start having sex. Well a few minutes pass and the wife yells bell four. The husband asks what’s bell four and the wife says, “not enough hose to reach the fire.”

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 min.

There was a guy that got married and decided to get a tattoo on his penis. The tattoo he got said "I LOVE YOU". A couple of days later his wife tells him she wants a divorce and he asks why? Then she said because your putting words into my mouth.