A stolen credit card
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

A family went to the zoo one day. As they stopped at the Elephant display, the father left to use the bathrooms. While he was gone, the little girl asks the mother, "Mamma, what's that thing hanging from the elephant?" the mother replies, " That's his trunk." "No, mamma, that other thing" The mother says, "Oh, that's his tail." "NOOO, mamma, that OTHER thing!" The mother notices the child is pointing at the elephant’s penis. She replies to her, "Oh, that's nothing" Later on, the family comes back by the elephant display and the mother goes to the bathrooms at this time. The little girl saw and opportunity and ask her father, "Papa, what's that thing hanging from the elephant?" He explains, "That's his trunk." "No, Papa, that other thing." He said, "Oh that's his tail." By this time the little girl is quite frustrated and replies, NOOOO Papa, that OTHER thing!" He notices she is pointing to his penis and replies, "Oh that's his penis." The child said, "But Papa, Momma said that's nothing." The father looks at his daughter with a smile and replies, "That's cause your Mamma's spoiled."

*Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind wander?
It's too little to be let out alone.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.