A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to him, "So, tell me, how was it?" "Oh, it was beautiful," says the man.
"The sun, the surf, we made love almost every night, we--" His friend interrupts him. "A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?" "Oh," says the man, "we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday..."

Q. What did the sargent's dick say to the condom?
A. Cover me, I am going in!

Two prostitutes are talking and one says, "Do you smoke when you finish?"
And the other goes,"I never checked."

Two women are fishing. Lisa always catches the most fish. Wanda asked her, "How do you do it? Every time we go fishing you always catch the most fish." Lisa replied, "When I wake up in the morning if my husbands thing is hanging off to the left, I fish off the left side of the boat. If his thing is hanging off to the right I fish off the right side of the boat." Wanda says, "What if his thing is standing straight up?” Lisa says, "Then you don't go fishing!"