Q: How do you castrate a redneck?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q. What is the difference between a Southern fairy tale and a Northern fairy tale?
A. A northern fairy tale starts out "once upon a time", a southern fairy tale starts out "y'all ain’t gonna believe this shit!

One day there is a well-educated man sitting in a redneck bar reading a book. A Redneck happens to wander over to him and asks "Whatcha there reading Mister?" The educated man replies, "It's a book about logic". Confused, the redneck replies "Logic? What's logic?” The educated man explains to the man "Logic is the ability to come to a conclusion knowing only one fact. For example, do you own a weed whacker?" The Redneck shouts, "Hells yeah I own a weed whacker!" So the educated man continues, "Well, if you have a weed whacker I know you have a weed whacker I know you have a lawn. If I know you have a lawn I know you have a house. If you have a house, demographically speaking I can deduce that you are a white male, 35-50 yrs old, and a heterosexual. Therefore, by knowing that you have a weed whacker I know that you are straight. Am I correct?" The redneck responds flabbergasted "Hell yeah you're right! I'll be damned". So the redneck runs back to his friends to tell them about this crazy logic thing. His friend asks "Logic, what's logic?" The redneck says, "Here, I’ll show ya... Do you own a weed whacker?" The friend replies "No, I don't” The redneck screams, "FAGGOT!!!"

There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence.
He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn't he intend to go over the bridge and whip Clarence?
He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn't realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign: "CLEARANCE 8 FT 3 IN"