An old couple married for 50+ years hadn't had sex in a very long time and the wife was getting very frustrated. One night when the old man was sitting on the couch watching the game she went into the bedroom and took of all her clothes except for a red towel that she put around her neck like a cape. She then leapt into the living room exclaiming, "IT'S SUPERPUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!" The old man replied, "I'll take the soup."

Three men are ready to tee off, the Grandfather, the Father and the son. Just as they are about to tee off the hottest looking girl walks up and asks if they will allow her to join them for the round. They agree, but she says she will only come if they don't try to coach her on how she plays. They agree to this as well.
The son then steps up to his ball and hits a decent drive. The father and grandfather, who hit their balls the same distance as the son, follow him. Then the girl steps up and smokes her drive a hundred yards past all of the other balls. The three men watched in amazement and all day long the girl was paring every hole.

Finally when they are on the green on the last hole, the girl is ten feet away from the cup. She says to the men," You guys have been really good about not coaching me today, but I've never shot a par before and now I want your help to sink this last putt. So whoever helps me sink this putt I will give a blow job."

So the son looks at the green and where the ball is lying and says," You should aim six inches to the right and the ball will break a foot into the hole."

The dad says," No you have it all wrong, You should aim a foot to the right and the ball will break two feet into the hole."

The grand father walks up, picks up the ball, unzips his pants, and says," That's gimmie

Two old ladies walked out from their house to smoke a cigarette. And it started to rain. So one lady pulled out a condom cut the tip off and put it on her cigarette. The other said that’s a good idea. So she went to the store and asked for a condom. The guy said what sizes. She said one that fits a camel.

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was
falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried
to go back to sleep, a few moments later she said, "Then, you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the
cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said, "Then, you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed covers and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"