Why do you have to buy such expensive brassieres?” the irate husband snapped nastily as he looked over the latest credit card statement. “You don’t have much to put in them.”
“By those standards,” she replied, “you haven’t needed a new pair of underwear in years!”

The wife receives a fax from her husband one day stating the following: "Dear wife. Since you are already 44 now, you cannot satisfy me completely anymore. So I am sending you this fax to tell you that I am at the Hotel Rivera with my 18 year old secretary and girlfriend now and will be back later on tonight, before 12am definitely."
As the husband arrives back home, just before 12am he finds a note from his wife.
"Dear husband. I thank you for your letter and your consideration in letting me know. But I do have to remind you, that you yourself are also 44 years of age. Therefore you also cannot satisfy me completely anymore. Therefore I am at the Beachfront Hotel now, with my boyfriend and Tennis instructor, who is also 18. But I won't be back before the morning, because - as I would like to remind you - 18 go more times into 44 than 44 into 18!"

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.
After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Sudan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her.
George was broken-hearted. After 8 months, he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June.
Again his father insisted on a private conversation, and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half sister too. I'm awfully sorry about this."
George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared.
"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, dad tells me the girl is my half sister."
"Helene," his mother chuckled, shaking her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father!"

A young academic decided to do a paper on the sexual habits of housewives,
She knocks on the door of this young beautiful woman and tells her what she is doing and is invited in.
Her first question was how many times a weeks she has sex, as many a possible was the answer.
And what happens to your asshole when you orgasm?
Well I really don’t know it only happens when the pool man is here and the asshole is away playing golf.