A man is standing in front of the judge, asking for a divorce. The judge says to him, “all right, sir, please explain to me why you want a divorce.” “Because,” says the man, “I live in a two-story house.” “You live in a two-story house?” says the judge. “What kind of a reason is that for a divorce?” “Well, says the man, “one story is, ‘I’ve got a headache’ and the other is, ‘It’s that time on the month.’”

A modern liberal Judge had instituted a new style of penalty sentencing upon guilty defendants who appeared in his court. He offered the guilty party a choice of either a jail sentence or a name change that would serve as the label of identification, in the better interests of an alerted community. Actually, the aforementioned description was only the fictitious imaginings of the owner of an employment agency. So, when Christopher Walkens first arrived in Hollywood and registered for employment at this agency, the intra-office memo read, "The unconfirmed DUI, will keep him from arriving at the set on time."

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, and the custody of their children created a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should keep custody of them. Then man also wanted custody, and the judge asked him to justify his demand. After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, “Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?”

The guy was petitioning the court to have his recent marriage annulled.
“On what grounds?” questioned the judge, “This court does not take annulments lightly.” “Non-virginity,” replied the quarterback, “When I married her, I thought I was getting a tight end, but instead, I found that I had married a wide receiver.”