Mr. Jones died. Later that night the funeral home calls Mrs. Jones, "So sorry to bother you in your time of grieving, Mrs. Jones, but as you know, your husband died with an erection and we can't close the casket. What would you like us to do?" "Well," said Mrs. Jones, "He doesn't really need it anymore, so just cut it off." The man from the funeral home says ok, and then hangs up. A few hours later he calls back. "So sorry to bother you in your time of grieving, Mrs. Jones, but what should we do with it?" Mrs. Jones says, "Well, He should die with it, so just shove it up his ass." The man from the funeral home says ok, and then hangs up. The next day at the funeral, Mrs. Jones walks up to her beloved husband, looks down at him lovingly, and she notices a tear in his eye. So she leans down close and says, "IT HURTS, DON'T IT!!!!"

A man is watching TV and one of his daughters comes up to him and asks,” Daddy, why did you name me Rose?”“ Because when you were born, a beautiful rose petal fell on your head and we just had to name you Rose," he replies. The next daughter shows up and asks, “Daddy, why did you name me Lily?” “Because when you were born a water lily petal fell on your head and we decided to name you Lily.” In the other room you hear "aaaaaaahhhhhkuidkasdhfasf, hjkhhksejhhffukfpaoe", and the father yells,” SHUT UP CINDERBLOCK

The pharmacist proudly showed Mr. Johnson his newest product. “It’s an apple that tastes like p…y.” Curious Mr. Johnson took a bite; he spat violently. “P…y? This thing tastes like sh..!
The pharmacist flushed and turned it around. “Sorry,” he said, “You bit the wrong side.”

One fine day, two Indians and a hillbilly were walking in the forest. All of a sudden, one Indian went up to the mouth of a cave and shouted a loud "Woo, Woo, Woo."
Then There was an answering, 'Woo, Woo, Woo." The Indian tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. The hillbilly asked the other Indian, "Hey, what was that all about?" The Indian answered, "It's mating season and it’s our custom to mate in caves. The females stay in the caves, and when the males see a cave, they go to it and shout a Woo, Woo, and Woo. If there is an answer, then that means that there is a female ready to mate." "Oh okay," said the hillbilly, not really understanding the weird Indian customs. A few minutes later, the second Indian ran up to the mouth of a cave and shouted, 'Woo, Woo, Woo." There was an answer to his Woo's so the Indian tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. Feeling alone, the Hillbilly kept walking through the forest. He came to a huge cave, and he thought to himself, 'Hey, that cave is so big, there must be some big, fine, women in there ready to mate.' So, he decided to go up to the mouth of the cave and shout, "Woo, Woo, Woo." There was an answering, "Woo, Woo, Woo," so the hillbilly tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The next morning's paper headline was:
"Naked Hillbilly Killed By Freight Train"