Still a virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had divorced 8 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband
"Please be gentle with me, I'm still a virgin"
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be, you have been married 8 times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Politician, he kept telling me how great it would be"
"Husband #2 was a Salesman, never tried it but told others how great it is"
"Husband #3 was an Engineer, he understood the process but wanted a few years to study possible methods of implementing the process."
"Husband #4 was in Management, he thought he knew how, was told by others how to do it, tutored and seen video clips on how but was never able to deliver."
"Husband #5 was a Mama's boy, she would not let him do it"
"Husband #6 was a Psychologist, all he did was talk about it"
"Husband #7 was a Gynecologist, all he wanted to do was look at it"
"Husband #8 was a stamp collector, all he wanted to do....
GOD I miss him"
"But now that I married you, I am really excited!"
"Good" said the new husband "but why?"
"Because" said the new bride
"You're a Lawyer, I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Lisa is going on a long ocean trip. She goes to the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a three-month supply of birth control pills and 100 seasick pills.
The baffled pharmacist looks at her and says; “Lady, if it makes you so sick, why do it at all?

A woman who never married, specified in her will that her tombstone say, “Born a virgin, lived a virgin, died a virgin.” That was too many words to put on the stone so they just wrote, “Returned unopened.”

The ten most important people in a woman’s life
1.The doctor because he say, “Take off your clothes.”
2.The dentist because he says, “Open wide.”
3.The hairdresser because he says, “Do you wan it teased or blown?”
4.The milkman because he says, “Do you want it in front or in back?”
5.The interior decorator because he says, “Once you have it in you’ll love it.”
6.The banker because he says, “If you take it out to soon, you’ll lose interest.”
7.The police officer because he says, “Spread ‘em.”
8.The mailman because he always delivers his package.
9.The pilot because he take off fast and then slows down.
10.The hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice, and eats what he shoots.