A man walks into the closet to speak to his wife while she is rummaging through her clothes and asks her what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and told her had a special day planned for her Birthday. Off they went to a local theme park.
What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.
Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.! Then it was off to a movie the latest epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
The moral of this story: Even when a man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.

A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, and then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yells to her husband, “You need a piece of tail.” The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, “Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.”

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95".

The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95? "

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and one of Ken's Friends."

She is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walks in. She turns and says, “You’ve got to make love to me – this very moment.” His eyes light up and he thinks, “This is my lucky day.” Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and then gives it his all on the kitchen table. Afterwards she says, “Thanks,” and returns to the stove. More than a little puzzle he asks, “What was that all about?” She explains, “The egg timer’s broken.”