"Doctor, that rectal exam hurt like hell.
What did you do?"
"I used two fingers."
"What for?" "I needed a second opinion."

A woman at the doctor’s office says, “Doc, I need some contradiction.”
The doctor says, “You are ignorant.”
The woman says, “yep. Three months.”

A young man had just brought a motorcycle, and takes his girlfriend for a ride. After a few minutes, she says, "Darling, I’m cold, this top won't fasten at the front, and the wind is rather cold." "Put your jacket on backwards, it'll keep the chill out" the man replies. She does so, and stops complaining about the cold. Suddenly, the bike crashes after skidding. The man wakes up in hospital and asked the doctor what happened to his girlfriend.
"Well, she was uninjured in the crash, she was fine until someone turned her head around the right way." the doctor replies.

Doctor, Doctor will you take my tonsils out?
Of course! Where would you like me to take them? To the movies or the zoo?