A female brain cell was lost one day, and found itself inside a man’s head. Looking around, she saw that it was all very dark and empty. She started to get a little afraid, so she called out nervously, “Is anyone here?” With the only thing coming back to her being was the echo of her own voice; she called a little louder, “Can anyone hear me?” Still there was no response. By now the female brain cell was quite frightened and she called out loudly again, “IS THERE ANYONE HERE!” From far away she heard a little voice reply, “Hello, were all down here…”

Red Tomatoes

A beautiful woman is having trouble growing tomatoes... seems she can't get them to turn red!

She knows it is not the weather or the soil as the man next door
has a garden full of big red tomatoes.

She asks him about his secret..."twice a day" he says "I stand
naked in front of the tomatoes, they blush and turn bright red."

This sounds foolish, but what the heck, so she spends the next
few days standing nude in her garden.

A week goes by and she runs into her neighbor and he asks...
"Have your tomatoes turned red?"

"Not really" she says..."but the strangest thing has happened...
the cucumbers have swollen up and are standing on end."

A man escapes from a prison and breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. I love you, too!"

Q: Why do women have their bellybuttons pierced?
A: It's a darn good place to hang an air freshener!!!