Q: What did the plow say to the tractor?
A: Pull me closer, John Deere.

A woman asks a Scotsman what is up his kilt.
“Why don’t you put your hand up and find out?” he says.
“It’s gruesome!” She shouts.
“Put your hand up again and it’ll grue some more!”

Paul says to his buddy John, “Wednesday I caught my wife in our bed with the phone guy. Thursday I caught her with the mailman on the living room sofa. Friday the meter reader was banging her on the kitchen table. What should I do? His buddy John says,
“Call the Salvation Army and have them come get all the furniture.”

Sad News...........
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.