An old lady in a nursing home is tearing down the hall in her electric wheelchair when all of a sudden an old man jumps out of a room in front of her. He says ' show me your license.' so the woman pulls a lolly wrapper out of her handbag and gives it to the man. The old man checks the lolly wrapper and says ' very well then, be on your way and don’t let me catch you speeding again.' so the old lady goes off down the hallway again. A little while later the old lady is speeding again. Again she goes past a room and the old man jumps out in front of her. “Show me your registration papers” said the old man. This time the old lady pulls a shopper docket out of her bag and hands it to the old man. He checks it and then hands it back to her and says 'very well. Be on your way and don’t let me catch you speeding again. The old lady puts the docket back in her bag and drives off. A little while later she is speeding again and as before the old man jumps out of a room in front of her. This time he is stark naked. The old woman takes one look at him and says “oh no, not the breathalyzer test again.”

There are 3 guys, we'll call them Ethan, Webster, and Chris. Ethan walks up to the counter and says, "Yeah, I'd like to buy some condoms." "What size?" the pharmacist asks. "Well, LARGE I presume." The pharmacist says, "Well, go see Sophie in aisle four." Ethan goes to Sophie in aisle four, she grabs a handful and says "Oh! That'll be a medium!" Ethan, a bit disgusted, goes to the counter and says, "Ya ya ya, whatever. Give me a medium." And he walks out. In comes Webster. Webster goes to the counter and says, "I need some condoms." "And what size?" the pharmacist asks. "I'll take LARGE!" The pharmacist says, "Go see Sophie in aisle four and come back." Webster goes to Sophie in aisle four, she grabs a GREAT BIG handful and says "HO! That'll be a Large!" Proud and happy, chest puffed out, Webster goes to the counter, gets his condoms and walks out. In comes Chris. He approaches the counter rather nervously. Scratching his head he asks, "Yeah, um, I uh, I need some condoms." "CONDOMS?!" The pharmacist says sarcastically "Well, what size?!" Confused, Chris says "Gee, I uh, I don't know. I've never done this before." The pharmacist tells him, "Go see Sophie in aisle four and come back." So ol' Chris goes to Sophie in aisle four, Sophie reaches down, grabs a handful and says "CLEANUP, AISLE FOUR!"

An elderly couple was celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary. They came to the breakfast table naked, just like they had done on the morning that they were first married. "Grandma" told her hubby, " You know, this makes me feel all warm and tingly. " "Grandpa" replied . . . " No wonder! You have one tit in your oatmeal, and the other in your tea! "

This man was in Australia during the Olympics and he walks in a store and finds Olympics condoms, they come in gold, silver and bronze. He buys some and brings them back to his wife that night. "Honey" the man, says "I bought some Olympic condoms today and I thought we'd try one tonight. So that night the woman asks, "So what color are you wearing?" He replies "Gold, of course" She say "oh, honey can't you wear silver, it would be nice if you came second for once"