Little Johnny runs into the bathroom just as his mother is stepping out of the shower and curiously points to her triangle of hair and asks: "Mommy what's that?"
somewhat flustered she quickly replies: "Well dear that is my sponge." Content with her answer off he goes...Later he runs into the livingroom and asks "Mommy may I play with your sponge?" again his mother is flustered and quickly states "Why, no you may not, I lost it." O.K. this pacifies him and back out to play. Later Johnny races into the kitchen yelling "Mommy I found the sponge, I found the sponge." Confused the mother asks "You did and where did you find it?"
Johnny proudly stated "The maid is got it and she is washing Daddy's face with it."

Five reasons not to be a penis:
1) Your head is bald forever.
2) You live between two nuts.
3) An asshole lives behind you.
4) Your best mate’s a cunt.
5) When you get excited, you get sick and then faint.

A man on a business trip is looking for a little action. So he picked up a Chinese hooker and took her back to his hotel. While having sex she was screaming OMWA OMWA!! He did not speak Chinese so he kept on going he wanted to get his $3.00 worth.

The next day he chilled out and went for a game of golf with this Chinese worker. He took a big swing and hit the golf ball as hard as he could.

The Chinese man said in a sad voice "OMWA" the guy looked at him strangely and asked: "what does that mean?" The Chinese man then said: "you have got it in the wrong hole"

There is a hot dog, a cucumber, and a dick. The hot dog said, "My life is very bad. People put catsup, mustard, and relish and then they eat me." Then the cucumber said "My life is worse, People chop me up put me in dill brine and pickle me." Then the dick said, "My life is the worst ever! They shove me into a plastic tube, put me in a tunnel and make me do jumping-jacks until I puke."