Q: What do you do when a pig has a heartatack?
A: You call an hambulance!

A Jewish man walks into Temple one Saturday walking his dog on a leash. The rabbi comes over and says, "Bernie, what are you doing bringing a dog to Temple? This is no place for an animal!" "He wants to pray" the man replies. "But Bernie, you can't be bringing a dog to Temple. It just isn't done." "But I'm telling you, he wants to pray" the man insists. Folding his arms, the Rabbi says, "OK, he wants to pray, let's see him pray." So the man wraps a prayer shawl around the dog's shoulders, puts a yarmulke on his head, and opens the Torah. The dog then puts his paw on the page and starts reading perfect Hebrew. The astonished Rabbi says, "Why Bernie, this is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Have you ever considered enrolling him in Rabbinical School?" Rolling his eyes heavenward, the man answers, "YOU talk to him. He wants to be a doctor!"

Two fleas went on a trip to Florida. The first flea gets off the motorcycle and says (wow that was an awesome ride) the second flea got off the motorcycle and says (buhuhhuhh its freezing) the first flea says to the second well were did you catch the ride? The second flea says I rode in the guy’s beard! (Well says the first flea try riding in the girl’s pussy next time its a lot warmer. So the second flea agreed.

The next summer the first flea gets of the bike and again he is nice and warm and had a great ride but the second flea gets off the bike and once again he is freezing. The first flea says I thought I told you to ride in the girl’s pussy? The first flea says I did. I did but in every damn truck stop I was back up in the guys beard again!

A magical frog is walking through the forest he comes upon a bear and a rabbit. He says, 'since you are the first creatures I have seen, I will grant you each three wishes.
The bear goes first and says, 'I wish I was the only male bear in the whole forest.'
The rabbit says, 'I wish for a helmet.'
Poof they got their wish.
For the bear’s second wish, 'I wish I was the only male bear in the whole country.'
The rabbit says, 'I wish for a motorcycle.'
Poof they got their wish.
For the bears last wish, 'I wish I was the only male bear in the whole world.'
The rabbit strapped on his helmet got on the motorcycle