A woman walks in to a hardware store with the head of a rake broken off, she walks up to the counter and the guy working behind the counter says to her "Do you want a screw for that rake?" she replies "No, but I’ll blow you for that toaster."

The spinster was feeling extremely tense, so she went to see Dr. Feluchi. The analyst concluded that she was suffering from repressed sexual desires, and proceeded to hypnotize her in an effort to relieve the problem. After she was in a trance he asked her to spell “bedroom.”
Staring ahead, the young woman said, “B…E…D…R…Oh…Ohhhh…Mmmmmmm.”

She left, and her stress gone!

It was exactly two years since the day her husband was buried when one night a widow screamed out that she had caught what she termed 'a vagina thief', and was calling for help.
The season was mid-summer, and it was in the middle of the night when the widow heard heavy footsteps behind her house in a big village.
"Oh" she said to herself, "I’ll wait to see who he is. I won't spoil this chance." So she didn't inform any of the village men of what she had heard.
Next, the footsteps reached the twinned shrubs door of her grass house and someone pushed it sideway and hence opened the door.
"Oh," this person has opened my door at last" she said softly to herself,” but I'll not spoil him or her. I'll see who he is, and what he wants." Again the widow sent no danger alarm to the villagers.
Then the man, believing the widow was fast asleep, walked into the dark room and felt his way where the widow was breathing softly on her mat and lay beside her.
After that the man cautiously went between her legs and raised them onto his shoulders.
"Oh, it is a man. I now know" the widow thought, "but I will not spoil the chance of knowing what he wants to do." And she pretended to be fast asleep.
Then! Then! 'In!'- the man swung Penisio, his agent, the manhood stuff and began making love with the widow. Long after mounting her, Vaginia - the widow's entrenched womanhood apparatus defeated his agent. Penisio vomited badly, offered his apology to Vaginia and was withdrawing when the widow’s hands went round the man's neck and she yelled, "I"ve got hold of a vagina thief! Help! Help!"

(Supposing that was your widow, how would you react?

In the week before his marriage David sowed the last of his wild oats with all the girls he’d ever dated. At the end of that time his penis was literally twisted and broken. David begged his doctor to help him, but the best the physician could do was create a makeshift splint, taping the worn member between four thin slats.
On his wedding night David crawled into bed with his new bride, wondering what he’d tell her about his ravaged organ.
The woman spread her legs. “Look, honey,” she said. “Never been touched by a man.”
David undid his pajama pants. “Look, honey,” he said. “Still in its original crate!”