An elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. 
Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 45 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?" The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. 
He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. 
The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 45 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for. 
She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1." 

One day, a man went up to God and asked, "God, how many years is 1000 earth years for you?" And God replied, "A second". Then the man asked, "How much is 10 million dollars for you?" And God replied again, "A penny." So, the man asked him one more question, "So, God could you give me a penny?" God said, "Yes, just a second."

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the small New England town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and idly chatting about their lives, their families, etc., when suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.  Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Everyone quickly evacuated the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
 Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Do you not know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
 Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
 Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried,
"Why aren't you afraid of me?"
 The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 31 years."

One Saturday evening, a certain minister decided that he did not want to preach the following morning but go play a relaxing round of golf instead. He called his assistant minister and told him that he was feeling under the weather and would not be in service. He then called to set a tee time at a course that was a fairly long distance away from his church so as to not be "caught" by anyone who would recognize him.
Meanwhile in heaven, St. Peter was looking down in disgust and questioned God, "Do you see this? What are you going to do about this?" God just smiled.
The next morning upon arrival at the clubhouse, he is contented to find that he is but the only person who will be on the course. Peter is still fuming and anxiously anticipating God judgment.
After walking a while to the first hole, he takes note of the layout: a 420-yard par 4. He casually grabs his driver and sets. POW!!! Perfect hit...the ball sails all the way to the green and in the hole for a hole in one!
Peter throws a fit of rage at God. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING? WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?"
God just smiles back and says, "Who's he going to tell?"