A man goes to his doctor for his annual exam. After some tests, the doctor comes in and says, " I have some bad news, you'll only have 18 more erections in your life." The man, disheartened, rushes home. "Honey!" he yells. "I'm only going to have 18 more erections in my life!" His wife, horrified, says, " Well, that's okay, we'll just have to use them sparingly that is all." The man says, " What in the hell are you talking about? You're not on the list."

A couple in their eighties just got married and is on their honeymoon. In the hotel room she slips into something sexy and crawls into bed and waits for her new groom. He's in the bathroom sprucing himself up. She waits and waits until she can't wait any longer. She gets up and goes to the bathroom and opens the door. Peering in she sees him bent over on the toilet trying to put on a condom. She giggles, "Honey what are you doing? I'm 86 years old and can't get pregnant anymore."
He looks up at her and says; I know but honey you know how dampness affects my arthritis.

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from bingo to find her 92-year-old
husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing
him off the balcony of their 20th-floor apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if
she had anything to say in her own defense. "Your Honor," she began coolly,
"I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly!"

A woman gets out of the bath and puts on a towel. Her husband comes into the bathroom to go to the toilet. The doorbell rings. The woman goes to answer it wearing only the towel. She opens the door to find her next door neighbor Bob standing on the doorstep. Bob wolf whistles and says 'I'll give you £200 if you drop the towel'. The woman doesn't want to miss out on £200, so she drops the towel. Bob takes a good look at the naked woman then says his goodbyes and leaves. As the woman closes the door her husband comes down stairs. 'Who was that?' He asks. 'It was Bob' She says. 'Oh right, did he give you that £200 that he owes me?'