Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. I went to the store the other day; I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a city cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?".
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a name, and he glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a worse name. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote.
I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner and this one had a bumper sticker on it, "Elect John Kerry".
I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.

There was this International Conference on Taxation held in a European Country. The nature of the conference was international sharing of taxation ideas. To make the story short, The French representative said "Everyone in this room should adopt my Country’s taxation system, because in my country we tax our people from child birth to death." The Conference room exploded in a big applause, because that system will provide great revenue to the country. But, the Swiss representative stood and said, "That is nothing. Because, in my country we tax our people from womb to tomb! The whole room was clapping louder than before. An excited Australian, jumped up and said "That is nothing compared to down under, we tax our people from sperm to germ!! With this, the whole room was in standing ovation and clapping. Several representatives from Europe suggested that it be adopted in every nation. But then, the American representative, shouted, Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Here me out first, before you adopt anything. Then, the American said. That is nothing compared in America, in America we tax our people from Erection to Resurrection!

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the
1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70’s!!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, and tuna from a can.
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because. WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day.
And we were OK.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Play-stations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound, CD's or I-pods, no cell phones!, no personal computers , no Internet or chat rooms.......
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
If YOU, are one of them, CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks,” Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

Q.Why did the chicken cross the road?
A.So that the Democrats would have a majority in the Senate.