There were three third graders walking down the street a redhead, brunette, and a blonde. Which one had the best figure?

The Blonde, she was 18.

Q. What is the difference between a college professor and a proctologist?
A. A proctologist only has to deal with one asshole at a time.

A professor was grading the essay finals he had just given his class and opened the exam book of a failing student to reveal blank pages and a $100 bill. The only thing written in the book was "$100 = 100% - I get an A."
A month later, the student approached the professor. "I don't understand," he said. "I failed the course. Didn't you read my final?" The professor handed the student the exam book.
The student opened it to reveal $50 and the phrase "$50 = 50% - You fail!"

Two young men who had just graduated from Harvard were all excited and talking effusively as they got into a taxi in downtown Boston.
After hearing them for a couple of minutes the cab driver asked, "You men Harvard graduates?"
"Yes Sir! Class of '94!" they answered proudly.
The cab driver extended his hand back to shake their hand, saying, "Class of '58."