Sara was having breakfast with her mother one morning and suddenly Sara asked; mommy, does daddy eat light bulbs? Her mother said why heavens, no Sara! Why do you ask a question like that? Sara replied, well, last night I heard daddy say, “if you will turn the light out that he would eat it.”

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut up
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said
5. The main purpose of holding childrens parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own
6. We child-proofed our homes, but they are still getting in
Some advice:- Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home.

She was new to the porn business, and when the director told her to do it doggie-style.
She lifted her left leg and peed.

When I was a young minister, a funeral director asked me to hold a grave side service for a homeless man who was without family or friends. The funeral was to be at a cemetery way out in the boonies. This was a new cemetery and this man was the first to be laid to rest there. I was not familiar with the area and became lost. Being a typical man, of course, I did not ask for directions. I finally found the cemetery about an hour late. The back hoe was there and the crew was eating their lunch. The hearse was nowhere to be seen. I apologized to the workers for being late. As I looked into the open grave, I saw the vault lid already in place. I told the workers I would not keep them long, but that this was the proper thing to do. The workers, still eating their lunch, gathered around the opening. When the service was over, I said a prayer and walked to my car. As I opened the door, I heard one of the workers say, "I never saw anything like that before and I've been putting in septic systems for twenty years."