Told by his psychiatrist to stop spending all his time reading pornography and to expose himself to real art, the perpetually horny young man took his advice. Traveling to the Louvre, he opened his trench coat in front of the Mona Lisa.

Three guys are at the water cooler talking about their dates the previous nigh.
Paul insists, “my date must be a nurse, because she said, ‘Lie back and relax. This won't hurt a bit.'"
Neil concludes that his girl must be a schoolteacher, because she said, “Do it over and over until you get it right.”
Tom figures that his date must be a flight attendant, because she said, “Put this over your mouth and nose and continue to breathe normally.”

A Texan in New York City needed to call a nearby community from a pay phone. “Deposit a dollar and eighty-five cents, please,” instructed the operator.
Pulling himself up to full height and using his thickest Texas drawl, he objected, “Ma’am, I’m from Texas, and in Texas we can place a call to hell and back for that price!” “I understand, sir,” retorted the operator, “but in Texas, that’s a local call.”

A woman scanned the guest at a party and spotted a good looking man standing alone. She approached him. “Hello,” she said. “My name is Susan Gold.” “That’s a beautiful name,” he said. “Is it a family name?” “No,” she said. “I gave it to myself. It reflects the thing I like most in life – men, cars and fine jewelry.”
“What’s your name?” she asked.
“B. J. Titsengolf.” He replied.